Some of you may have noticed that I missed a week.
When I started this blog, I promised myself I would write every week. At the time, it felt like a realistic goal. I enjoy writing, I wanted to be consistent, and honestly, I thought I could make it work. As it turns out, being a full-time trial lawyer, a wife, a mom, and trying to be present for all of those things leaves a little less free time than I imagined.
My instinct is usually to push harder. If I commit to something, I want to keep my word. I tend to believe that if I just organize my calendar a little better, stay up a little later, or work a little faster, I can fit one more thing in. But this time I’m trying to follow the advice I so often give other people. I’m giving myself a little grace.
It seems like all of us live in a world where it is easy to overcommit. We sign up for book clubs, trivia nights, networking events, coffee with friends, volunteer opportunities, committees, and every other worthwhile activity that comes along. None of those things are bad. Many of them are wonderful. Then life happens.
A case blows up. One of the kids gets sick. Your spouse needs your help. You simply wake up exhausted after a week of trying to be everything to everyone. You can still force yourself to go. Sometimes you should. But other times you spend the entire evening watching the clock, thinking about everything waiting for you at home, and feeling guilty that you aren’t fully present anywhere. That’s usually a sign that it is time to reassess.
One of the lessons we learn as litigators is that good judgment requires reevaluation. We don’t evaluate a case once and refuse to revisit it. As discovery progresses, witnesses change, experts weigh in, and new facts develop, we adjust our strategy. We don’t consider that failure. We consider it being a good lawyer. I’m not sure why we’re so reluctant to do the same thing with our own lives.
We don’t call revisiting a case a failure. We call it being a good lawyer.
It’s okay to admit that your schedule no longer fits your season of life. For me, work is not becoming less demanding anytime soon. Neither are my family responsibilities. Those are commitments I happily choose every day. But that also means I have to be realistic about everything else. Maybe coffee with friends becomes once a month instead of every week. Maybe you volunteer for one committee instead of three. Maybe you say, “I’d love to help, but my plate is full right now.” That last one is still difficult for me.
I’ve also realized something else. If I volunteer for everything, people are generally happy to let me. They know I’ll work hard and get it done. But when I step back and say I’m overwhelmed, something interesting happens. Other people step up.
Not only does the work still get done, but someone else gets the opportunity to lead, contribute, and grow. Sometimes saying no isn’t letting people down. Sometimes it’s making room for someone else to shine.
So yes, this blog will probably be shifting in the direction of weekly to monthly. And that’s okay. The funny thing is, I suspect very few people noticed I missed a week. We tend to be much harder on ourselves than anyone else is. Most of the expectations we struggle to meet are the ones we’ve created for ourselves.
Most of the expectations we struggle to meet are the ones we’ve created for ourselves.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, I encourage you to pause and take an honest look at your commitments. Ask yourself what still brings you energy, what feels like an obligation, and what can wait for another season. Giving yourself grace isn’t lowering your standards. Sometimes it’s simply recognizing that you can’t do everything, and trusting that choosing what matters most is enough.
