This weekend, I saw The Devil Wears Prada 2 with a group of moms. It was a fun movie made even better by sharing it with such a great group of women. There were several laugh-out-loud moments, but one line near the end stayed with me.
Miranda, the “boss,” was talking about how she was perceived as a negatively as professional woman. She talked about the things she missed, about not being around enough for her kids, and then she said she just really loves her job.
That struck me.
Because even today, women, especially moms, are still judged, and often found lacking, for the amount of time they choose to spend working. Somehow, society is more accepting when a woman works long hours because she has to. But when she works long hours because she loves it? Because she finds purpose in it? That still makes people uncomfortable.
I fall into that second category. I love my kids. I love my husband. And I also really love my work and the legal profession. As a lawyer, I have spent many long hours at the office. But beyond that, I have also spent many hours volunteering, at events, through pro bono work, and with the State Bar. The year I served as president, my son was five and my daughter was turning one. We were still coming out of Covid, but I still had to travel around the state and attend a lot of events.
I remember one time explaining to my son that I was going to be gone for another event. He asked me why I had to be gone so often. In that moment, I told him the truth: I didn’t have to do those things. I chose to.
I explained that I believed the work was important and that I wanted to be part of it. I told him it meant I would sometimes miss time with him, but that sometimes I would choose things for myself, things I wanted to do or felt called to do. I told him I loved him very much, but that I was also allowed to have work and commitments that mattered to me. He gave me a quizzical look, shrugged, said, “Okay, that makes sense,” and went back to playing.
As my kids have grown, that explanation has continued. They are used to me traveling for work and bar activities. Sometimes they come with me, and sometimes they cannot. Have I missed things? Yes. Do I still feel guilty sometimes? Also yes.
But the funny thing is, I do not think my kids care nearly as much as I worry they do. They know I love them, even when I am not always there. More importantly, they get to see their mom doing well in a job she loves. To me, that is an important life lesson.
You get to love more than one thing at a time.
I wish more people truly loved what they do. I hope my kids find work that gives them that same sense of purpose and fulfillment. Choosing work, choosing something that brings you joy and meaning, does not make you a bad mom or spouse. It also does not mean your family does not bring you joy and meaning. It means you have a full life, with more than one thing that gives you purpose. That should be celebrated, not shamed.
We still have a long way to go, but maybe with more stories and more people willing to talk honestly about this dynamic, the conversation can start to change. You get to love more than one thing at a time. So as we start another week, I want to give us all permission to enjoy the work.
